I'm not ready.. don't go.. everything please wait.. i.. need to find that feeling.. i can't go on without setting things right.. what am i to do.. i can't have things getting worse as much as i want this.. after missing so much...

To carry on with something missing... its just.. not right.. i want to feel like how i did.. not like now.. not this.. its worse than emptiness.. its uncertainty.. if it could be salvaged... i'll.. wait.. i don't want to take this for granted...

All this time.. i kept thinking... take the plunge.. prove everything that ive gone thru.. but when it comes.. i pull back.. and go around.. every single time.. just make me feel that its just nothing in the end... when it comes, no matter how much i want to be clear minded.. to treasure every single moment.. i can't help but fall into a trance.. it becomes like a dream.. something that will not ease the anxiety that comes every other night.. but if it was meant to be this way..

i'll let it be..

Stanley,
i don't wanna waste another day.. stuck in the shadow of my mistakes..~*