Look out the window....don't miss it cuz it don't last

Live Twice

2006-12-31T14:36:00.000+08:00

Wish you could see me now.. wish i could see you then..
hmm.. would you take any chance there is..? =)

mm.. i don't know how to say this.. its something like.. thinking of trying to make something special but not daring to go there.. for fear it was'nt meant to work out.. =/
But theres another side to it, something no doubt is important.. something like.. knowing i didnt have to hope for anything more than that..

Lets look forward shall we..? =) We can't help that time won't stop. Yea we can wish, as a form of cherishing and treasuring.. but it won't.. we forget this at times, but we rejoice during the other times when we realise it didnt have to.. especially when there are in fact many, many more beautiful moments to look forward to.. tho we never saw them coming in the first place.

Well, that may the beauty of it.. what makes it special by surprise, worth to remember, motivation for that something even more.. in the unexpected future.

Happy New Year everyone.. =)
Never give up hope on the people and moments you really love..
otherwise you don't really do.. you don't live twice even if u wish.. don't let them pass you by.
so take the plunge if it won't hurt no one.. =)

Stan,
please forgive me if i didn't say i love you every single day..~*

How To Save A Life

2006-12-24T14:34:00.001+08:00

Its like gaining momentum all over again..

.... .. ..

Its all going too fast..
A year ago, on the same day..
It was like the start of the extremes.

I don't wanna think it'll be the same thing again.
It is'nt. But can i say i can wait..? As in.. will it still be up to me..?

I won't leave it alone if it still is..
I won't.

... ..

It was that same familiar barrier. Something like that barrier that was never taken down since the first.. and so.. couldnt have the view.. something was absent altho it was just there..

so near yet so far..

if not.. was pique the reason why..? I'd like to believe so.. But they say that something would save all that.. something like no matter what it is... ..
you'd be able to.

cry to me..
Stan,
and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life..~*

Dare You To Move

2006-12-21T19:03:00.002+08:00

To remember how to feel right again.. I admit.. This slips my mind, together with other simple mindsets that were repeatedly proven right..

by.. you. =)

Like.. It shouldnt matter, its meant to be... ... and patience.

To believe that everything will be fine again.. It never is that easy when im down.. but im not given up on.. thats the beauty of it.. =)

Pique.. it overrides all the right things, it says all the wrong things.. things that should not and do not matter, things that i dont really mean.. And i'm proving one of them wrong right now by doing this. But who else.. drives me to do that.. ...

I ask myself everytime i realise i can genuinely smile again.. how do u do that..? How do u.. hold on... Even though nobody else knows the answer as clearly as i should..

Its been a year of.. extremes. You've always forgiven me for all the sad moments..

And i thank you.. for the rest..

I pray.. we never stop believing..

Stan,
where're you gonna go.. salvation is here..~*

Standing Still

2006-11-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

Above everything else..

You're genuine.

Please don't go, yet. Listen.

Stan,
do you.. want me, like i.. want you. or am i standing still, beneath the darkened sky.~*

Hope

2006-10-29T13:03:00.000+08:00

Ive sorta let blogging pass me by ever since.. im not sure when.

I just, don't use it as a place i'd put things i want to have understood.. no. It is'nt for you to read and assume that you would be able to empathise.. no. Cos its more than that. Its something i wouldnt be able to explain. To anyone at all.. i can only show it, i can only prove it.. And hope it is appreciated and maybe.. maybe just give you that courage to be more than what you think you are. to me.

Been inspired somehow.. I don't know if it is bad to just leave things like it is and put my past beliefs away as it never fails to get overwritten by your very simple words that mean more than what you think they do by saying them. And the fact that you save me from all those menacing doubts, by just being there. for me.

It isnt anything else thats giving me the strength through purpose of putting this here. Am i going to cause even more worries and dilemmas again..? I feel better after typing all this, i do feel better, really. so please don't be worried.. Like i said, you just have to be there. Believe me please. ive sorta been convinced that i shouldnt be causing so much.. stress..? Time again as it undoubtedly has been proven to be unnecessary everytime it dissolves.. Before it resurfaces and tries to convince me otherwise.. again...

though i am afraid.. to some extent, cos i believed in, but im not sure how much i still do, that these things may be in danger of.. fading.. if not rejuvenated by unceasing, sensitive thinking and hopeful feeling.

Then again.. it may just be a simple fact that, i keep asking for more, though i never realised that i would when i havent had the privilege of having more in the first place. All these to keep it going.. letting it continue... ..

Do you feel it..? hope you do..

...
... ... ... =)

Stan,
and be hopeful, hopeful and he'll make a way, I know it ain't easy but that's okay. Cuz we hopeful~*

Always

2006-08-12T19:39:00.000+08:00

Ever felt that there was no way you could smile.. for that moment of your life? Ive grown enough to understand that you can never expect anyone else to know exactly how you feel, so you just keep it.. n i keep it.

I'm just waiting, to be convinced for being condemned for thinking too much, being too.. stupid. am i supposed to be like anyone else and learn to not care bout what i really care about now? If i told you i can't smile for the time being, would you believe me? and if i genuinely, genuinely explain to you that i do not want to spoil any of your days as you're my friends, and just leave to be on my own, would you blame me for being a party pooper? which one, pulling a long face for u guys to see, or leaving to prevent ur knowledge of this unnecessary obsession about sorting out everything i care about in my mind. Would you guys, being my friends (so as it seems) accept me for being like that, and try to at least understand why i want to be that way for awhile, that there are. days in my life that i have so much i want to be assured about, that i have, my thoughts to worry about? i love you guys.. but i'm bombed every single time you unconsciously prove to me that.. i may very well be on my own, as much as i don't want to believe it. how far are you guys going to go to be my strength during this time of my life.. and how far are we going to walk together before we just.. disappear for our personal lives..

I want to you guys to understand, but i dont want you guys to know.
that, i know is asking for the impossible. all of us are human, it would be unnatural to not be that way.

Its been years that ive been struggling to be myself, call me gay, call me a fag. ive accepted that altho i disagree. ive become stronger, but im still going to be myself and not pull back from what i believe in. and the best friends in life would be those who accept that as my individuality, as much as i do to you, for being urself, whether is it vulgar, high, straightforward, grungy, talkative, observative, critical. Just basically, different or rather. special. I want to make u guys feel special, but i can't if you condemn me for being myself.

wheres the love? or are we just mere acquaintences seeking for a satisfying social life?
don't you know, we may never have these kinda relationships anymore when we grow older. how much are you going to do to treasure this? im asking you not to sit back and just care about ur own problems. if i seem like that nowadays, its cause im tired of caring, of looking at u just to show that i appreciate ur humour, ur personality, and that i pull back tho i dont agree about some things, doesnt that show?

I know, in awhile after this is posted, i will. feel stupid again.
would you people i want to keep as friends save me from that rut..?
or you can just condemn me for being like that.. again.

Sigh.. these things had to happen.. i just don't have the power to know why yet..
Help me believe they are happening for good reasons..

Dear God.. enlighten me.. i'm sorry for drifting away.. please help me feel right again.. Thanks in advance..
cos i believe. =)

hmm.. Bon Jovi's a classic ain't it? x)

Stan,
We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives..~*

I'm Not Concluding Yet

2006-07-23T14:10:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry i never took the chance to play it personally.. im not that good and i don't wanna screw it up for you.
One day i will, i promise.

i was thinking.. and i think i was wrong. No matter what the definition is,
"forever" is different, for different things. In fact, its an expression, not a statement.
What you wished for, is not stupid, but rather its what you want to and believe in..

you understand? It means as long as it could last..
thats why, still, it is unpredictable..
but as long as we don't just let it go..
=)

Stan,
having said and done all that we never want to walk away from..~*

Here Is Gone

2006-07-16T13:41:00.000+08:00

It was never this difficult to post..

Though you never realised it in the past, as you grow older, you realise things are not that simple.. that they never have been.. just that, you werent old enough to understand, the difference between whats right, and whats right for you.

I still do dream.. there are quite some things that i wish, to happen.. but they are virtually impossible because of very complicated feelings and not-right-ness... which i dare not betray as yet. But like "very soon", it sounds nice and assuring, i shall apply it to special things that could happen too.. just that, it needs to be mutual, so much so that.. it would drown any crowd.. =)

So.. x)

When the time comes.. don't be shocked kay, it takes alot from me noe..
lol im that ridiculous. but it doesnt hurt to believe it could happen, since other special things have been proven possible. =) right..?

To believe that i don't need anything else except this, but to feel a need for you to have something more.. hmm.. irony.. =)

Stan,
and we wake up in the breakdown of the things we never thought we could be..~*

What's Left Of Me

2006-06-25T13:07:00.000+08:00

I'm not ready.. don't go.. everything please wait.. i.. need to find that feeling.. i can't go on without setting things right.. what am i to do.. i can't have things getting worse as much as i want this.. after missing so much...

To carry on with something missing... its just.. not right.. i want to feel like how i did.. not like now.. not this.. its worse than emptiness.. its uncertainty.. if it could be salvaged... i'll.. wait.. i don't want to take this for granted...

All this time.. i kept thinking... take the plunge.. prove everything that ive gone thru.. but when it comes.. i pull back.. and go around.. every single time.. just make me feel that its just nothing in the end... when it comes, no matter how much i want to be clear minded.. to treasure every single moment.. i can't help but fall into a trance.. it becomes like a dream.. something that will not ease the anxiety that comes every other night.. but if it was meant to be this way..

i'll let it be..

Stanley,
i don't wanna waste another day.. stuck in the shadow of my mistakes..~*

Breathing

2006-05-24T22:37:00.000+08:00

Cuz I am hanging on every word you're sayin'
And even if you don't wanna speak tonight,
That's alright, alright with me..

Havent been updating cos.. this blog is not going to help me solve watevers' killing me in my life.. neither would anyone else understand whats been helping me carry on.. but for inspirations' sake.. lemme just leave some thoughts here..

because of things not that simple.. and yet i can't explain till it.. comes... and when it does.. i just want to let it go, forget about it for the precious moments and just... ... treasure..

these things we know now, very clearly.. but we can only endure.. its suffering for me.. i hope not as difficult for you.. i ask myself so many questions that just get buried when it comes... and gets raked up so naturally after it ends... ..

ur right, its inevitable to think..

so little things.. such negligible reactions.. could just be left alone to be forgotten as the genuinity shud have easily overwhelmed what has not been intentional.. rather.. in a state of pique and just... merely feelings that are out of our hands because of such constraints and deprivations..
and yet.. these deprivations drive me... to think back... on what i might lose apart from what i have been experiencing.. because of my carelessness and expectations i do not meet.. then, digging deeper into these minor happenings and partially assuming negativity... but then again.. how can i not think.. i can only find assurance in letting you know.. so that we do not drift apart..

but you need to know.. i'd tell you this personally.. it doesnt have to be here.. just that.. at times.. it could be for me to sort out my thoughts, for you to decipher... for us to understand without strained obligations..

because, after all, everything like this just dissolves.. vapourizes then... ... =) like it never occured in my mind.. like things had been perfect... and all these would just be redundant feelings, compared to.. =) sigh...

just that.. it comes back again..

i think too much.. ask too many questions in my mind.. but time and time again.. i realise, its everything about you.. nothing less.

never left my mind.. never.

Stanley,
and listen to you breathing.. its where i wanna be...~*

Try

2006-04-08T12:13:00.000+08:00

hmm... i'm happy =) although ive been missing so many stuffs, maybe ive realised that these emotions come, and then go again... maybe ive realised that i should just take it easy, and let it pass, and enjoy, appreciate and treasure whatever i have and could possibly experience presently.. =)

Thank God =)

i wish i was able to tell you, wherever you are, whenever it is..

Stan,
thats you, this is me, we... in love~*

I Still

2006-03-29T19:52:00.000+08:00

I have a feeling i'm gonna regret this post.. But time to clean the dust..
Things change, feelings don't, fortunately.. But these changes are dragging me with time..

Relive relive relive... so desperate.. but so impossible... Ive become more dreary... crawling to school with little sense of motivation.. i can't say none, there is... ... just not... how to say... not... possible to... argh... its confusing... or maybe special? yes i shall treat it as special... but it is difficult... painful to accept... how things happen like that... the way things are going in my head... you feel so desperate... and the problems and inquisitive thinking start coming in... and the worse thing that can happen is negativity...

you. do. not. want. that. to. happen. to. you... its fatal... a lil more than that 5 days i had last week... my head will be crashed on the wall 10 times harder than how i do it normally... but thank God... as in really... 100 percent from the bottom of my heart... thank God, things happen... =)

how i need... friends, time... away from school... i'm happy, yet remorseful... guys... really REALLY great time greatgreatgreat time today. I could laugh till my stomach cramm up!! that is one really cool stage of laughing. altho i doubt it be ethical if i start vomiting in mac... so i had to restrain myself... but "stomach pain" IS a cool stage =D... then... argh i could kill myself for saying the wrong things... things that were'nt meant to be what i want it to result in? thats why i regret stuffs so oftenly... sigh... i'm so frustrated with myself...

i wish i wish i wish... can i afford to bring myself to... again? i'd be asking for too much... things aren't gonna go the way i want it to would it...? all this... i need to carry on... but its not everyday that i can experience these kinda moments so special... you know.. ive always been the one asking... is it time to reveal what i felt then... or is it redundant...? theres only one thing that saves me and rejuvenates me... but as these feelings come... it really becomes harder to accept when its not there for you... especially if i... do not know how things are felt... its scary to think its only me... i believe... i want to... but could you give me a hand... i want to know without having to ask... so that i have this sense of mutuality... but if its difficult then its okay... i'll just... i dunno... i'm sorry...

everything is unreal... until it comes... and when it comes... it rushes past so fast it kills me with all the desperation... its painful...

Please.. come soon... still holding on.. no matter what, its in my mind... no physical deprivation changes that... Theres alot i need to explain, alot i need to make clear... alot i need to pour out... but when the moment comes... they just vapourize... yes vapourize... and im drowned into that moment... but when it ends... id be in a painful state all over again...

-cries- =praying and praying for all these to carry on, and moments to come again... to help me carry on...

Stan,
what do we do, at this very moment when i think of you...~*

All You Wanted

2006-03-05T10:35:00.000+08:00

was i dreaming...? can't be..
but everything... they just seem so dreamy...
so... ... special..
but no... it wasn't the one...
it will come again..
this is just... a prelude..?
i dunno...
but what i know...
is that i have the courage now..
i think...?
sigh... made me think so much...
only now...
never thought it'd happen...
but when the chance came..
i knew i had to...
i cannot afford to regret that..
that look... that moment...
if it could onli be captured..
somewhere which time won't fade..
it will come again..
and when it does...
time won't stop it.. neither would anyone
it will just be a trance..
like what i almost felt
if not for the time...
don't look away... don't let it slip
take the chance.. like i did..
did i ask for too much..?
please tell me..
i'll hold myself back
again..
and live the rest of the days..
like it never changed..
not like now...
that i feel so much more..
complete... =)

Stan,
so i took your hand and... we figured out that... when the tide comes i'd take you away...~*
=)

Memory

2006-02-26T19:43:00.000+08:00

veryVERY nice song eh =)

the beginning of a new dream, seems to be a good start, but the future seems quite vague... time needs to past quickly.. i need to see how things will go... i want to know if im able to learn well.. and fast.. i just can't wait =/ cos doubts start coming in >.>

killed my weekend... my precious precious weekend... i have to be wrong about what i'm thinking right now, can't be true.. i'm just paranoid >.> i want to feel that again... i wanna feel everything again.. but im just stuck here..

so special... =) what can i say? i'm drowned in this and i dont wanna get out.. what can i do? i'm drained but i wanna hold on...

Stan,
this may never start, we could fall apart... and i'd be ur memory...~*
no... i can't let go..

luvthissomuch...
itjusbecamesomuchmorebeautiful
pleaseohplease
nomoredoubts..
iwantthissomuch..

Wherever You Will Go

2006-02-16T20:48:00.000+08:00

I woulda post it in the class blog, but there seems to be quite some problems, majority of those i do not understand or am in no position to even inquire about, let alone help... no? but here, i have my right of showing my discontent generally, hope you guys understand... for the class...

Okay maybe not really discontent, but rather, worry.. worry that you guys are drifting away from what we valued, just because we are not as physically close anymore.

who misses class 2/4'05?
allev'us

who wants to be with 2/4'05 again?
allev'us

who wants 2/4'05's spirit to prevail?
allev'us

who loves 2/4'05?
allev'us

Easy to answer? Guess so... But this is no exam. This is not something you just answer and leave the rest to correct or incorrect. It is more than that. It is not as easy as proving urself genuinely... But are you willing? Are you drifting away because you are not seeing each other as much anymore? Because your present "closer" friends seem better? No one said you cant have different frens, neither did anyone ask you to compare the friends who are in the same class as you presently with us, the ones who shared 2 memorable years together with you. dont, overlook the fact that we have gone thru so much, not to be blinded by the friends who are more convenient to talk to and make your day not as miserable as what it already is at sec 3..

are we still gonna remain as real friends? friends who don't think so much negativity just because we don't say "hi" or even wave to each other sometimes when we pass.. why do we do that nowadays? is it because we dont give a cow about wats happening to everyone of us? no. its because we are afraid, with all these misunderstandings and wrong assumptions about each other, that we dont care about each other anymore, that we have better friends now.

now let me make a statement. The best friends i have in this school until i graduate, was, has been, is still, will still be, you guys from 2/4'05, always.. do you guys feel the same?

The perfect and most humane thing i think that you all shud do, is to be genuine to each other. we can don't give a shoe about what we type in our blogs, we can don't give a sock about how we react in school towards each other. but know that, we need to be true to each other, no matter who we meet, no matter what we do, at the end of the day, do you people still love the ones that you hypocritically accuse of in front of your very own frens, even to the same 2/4 we once were... are you guys gonna decide to stop this, and really just stop it? you have to choose.. cos when the time comes, it is not for me or the people who really loved the class until now, without any hypocriticism, to decide whether we will still be a whole.

and you know what? you don't even have to say anything to each other, i believe, to solve all this.. just be true to ur heart, i bet it'll be understood. yea you guys may just start flaming me about not understanding you people enuf, that things are not that simple. forgive me.

When the 2/4'05 outing comes, what would really break my heart, is that you guys, from ur own conscience portray that you are not part of it already. will you guys be fake to each other until then? because if you people are gonna be like that, then i dont see the point of calling it a 2/4'05 outing... cos i wouldnt want to use those precious time in this disgusting year forcing a smile, or wasting my energy on threading back the torns you guys refuse to patch with ur own sewing machines... can't you see all these are in ur hands, its ur choice, to make this class what it was, or break it. Think about Leeming, don't even try to think for one second that we could be what we were last year without her. She loved this class, she'd cry for the class, she still loves this class, no matter how dusty or tattered it is now with the situations ALL of us are facing this year. But she knows that it isnt in her hands alone to make this class spirit prevail.

Don't break the hearts of the people who still love this class, and i want to believe that all of us still do. no matter where we are or what happened, explained or unexplained. understand the problem for the sake of wanting this to work out, not for the sake of proving urself innocent, not to pity urself, but to pity what would become of 2/4'05 if these things ever become worse..

i love you guys..

When the time comes, all of us will have fun in the process of planning that simple outing, all in hope that the day will turn out true to everyone's heart, that we'd treasure every single moment we have with each other... no matter what happens, our minds are still connected, we know how each and everyone of us feel at any point of time because we accept each other's personality and try to give and take...

we'd have super hilarious games of soccer on the big open field... with every familiar nick names we all have for each other... screaming our hearts out, leaving every problem of our minds... as the evening approaches... we take a stroll for the sake of just walking together in the sunset ambience, and if we're lucky enough, beautiful clouds and breeze just connecting our hearts with each others'... you know, it doesnt matter if we have nothing to say... if we have such minimal things to talk about, because we dont want to talk abou the dreads of school... because we come together for the sake of being together, to enjoy each others' presence... when the sky darkens and we have this beautiful atmosphere... hopefully just like last year... but that we'd be able to stay later... not worrying about the next day... just wanting this to last forever... we'd lie on the field... together just reminiscing the things that had happen and thanking dear God that we have each other to be with... we fantasize over the darkening sky and atmosphere, and watch as the hopefully clear sky starts revealing its stars...

and if it could ever happen, we'd fall asleep there and then... =)

Stan,
in your heart, in your mind, i'll stay with you.. for all the time...~*

You And Me

2006-02-10T22:53:00.000+08:00

Too much.. i do too much..

when everything is to no avail,

there is no point.

i'm so obliged to keep to myself...

yea smile it off

and suffer again...

whatever i realised, they get contradicted and become redundant

and become sensible all over again..

whatever happens or goes thru my mind

it don't change a thing..

stanz,
You got my head spinning i don't know where to go from here...
cos theres you and me, and all other people and nothing to do, and nothing to prove...~*

Walking Away

2006-02-08T18:53:00.000+08:00

heckheckheckheckheckheckheck... what is wrong with me... why are these things occupying my mind... why am i caught up with work... i wanna have time to think about other things.. and do other things... i dun wanna shut them out... and leave myself stoning at well... nothing..? i want my weekends so bad... i wanna listen to my music... i wanna sing my heart out without being condemned... i wanna prove myself... i wanna appreciate... stuff... every action, every word i'm regretting about... how is this happening to me.. either way its not right... always... everything is a "how?" everything seems wrong in the end... everything seems regrettable... please pass quickly... leave me alone... ur destroying my hopes... ur destroying the mood... ur hurting the feelings... i. hate. you. school.

stan,
sometimes.. you feel there is no fun... thats why you turn and run...
and i don't wanna live a lie... too many sleepless nights...~*

On The Way Down

2006-02-05T13:44:00.000+08:00

aye... lol i just remembered about this song... meaningful =D

my minded couldnt shift... its just stuck there even tho there were things happening and people with me... i liked that =) some impossible hope of seeing and expressing myself but not having to face direct and immediate reactions... haha after 1am? dream on..

like any other dream

Stan,
on the way down i almost fell right through, but i held on to You...~*

so many things i assume about
simple words just decide ultimately whether they are right or wrong
amazing? yes

yes... cos besides them, other things are changing
how can i help myself from thinking =)

All My Life

2006-01-22T09:35:00.000+08:00

=)

You realise something at 2am++, you knew that the only person who can save you from all that anxiety you are dying from.. you realise things were'nt supposed to go that way, you knew you had to turn things around for yourself now.. you feel apologetic, but you knew it wouldnt be accepted because things were'nt clear..

you think back..

the past.. when it first began.. it was clear in your head, then you realise.. its not about the wants, it shudnt have been all these while, you realise that it could destroy everything.. because it all along was about the feelings.. your heart races, you needed to type it now, you cannot possibly afford to forget, it was your one chance to turn things around so you can live.. =)

then it was done. your heart sinks with relief, you throw it under the pillow after a nice appreciative look at the screensaver.. =) you smile, as you pray sincerely and hope it could bring things back again, everything in the past, they happened, you knew contentment was crucial..

you sleep right after that, with a contented heart, you were happy.. =)

Stan,
and for you this song i sing...~*

Drowning

2006-01-20T18:21:00.000+08:00

I'm in too deep... i want this so badly, since forever... but more than ever, right now... yes i am willing to take all of this, but whats that something thats so sufferable? i dont want to spoil things... tell me... please, i need to know... if ive done wrong... i cannot afford misconceptions now that its so messy... i'm sorry, i know its not just me, that its not fair... i just need you to know... i cannot bear to have fun in the midst of your unhappiness... i cannot help myself from worrying... i cannot help myself from regretting...

Everytime something had to go wrong... it had to be this way... isnt all these enough... everytime im able to look at you, theres this fear of you being upset... its not because i'm afraid you'd pull my moral down, i'm willing... its because i would be so helpless... that helplessness is just painful.. i cant find out... i cant try to make you happy... i cant bear to look again... thats why i dont wanna sit there and do nothing... i dont wanna think, i dont wanna make my assumptions worse... but simultaneously... i cant possibly be happy, its not only cos i dont want to, i cant...

i need to know, but i don't know what to do... or i just can't bring myself to...

Stan,
i don't need another lover, its not for me.. cuz only you can save me...~*

Fly Away

2006-01-11T20:52:00.000+08:00

And i thot it would work... well, still trying to hold back. my heart is literally very suan now. try to hold on longer, conscience, you know it, don't try. WHY... i wanna sleep, i wanna finish all my homework, so i can work on my sleeping... what frustrates me, i am so tired... very very tired... why must my stupid head do this to me... i want to sleep...i want to have energy... let me sleep, please... headache headache headache... why? cuz my stupid head plays with my feelings. why is my stupid head challenging my wits?!? and i cant scream at myself for doing that. it wouldnt work even if i did... mom told me it was crazy to eat sleeping pills, then wad? insomia from school start until when? how long am i supposed to hold on...

Stan,
punch me high, kick me low...

Bare Naked

2006-01-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

Do chinese hw
Do chinese hw
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Do chinese hw
Do chinese hw
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Do chinese hw
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Do chinese hw
Do chinese hw
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Do chinese hw
Do chinese hw
Do chinese hw

stan,
i wish i could float away, to some other day..~*
impossible.

Gone So Young

2006-01-08T12:45:00.000+08:00

I wanna thank Josef for this wonderful inspirational song that spoke my mind, i had a talk with him, realised some stuffs, thx budd. =) let me add this song to the top of my list, by Amber Pacific... really people, learn to appreciate.... enjoy~

I never dreamt it'd be this way
I lost any chance for me to say
To say that I miss you,
To say that I love you,
Will someone please tell me I'm okay

I wasn't prepared for what's to come
A life made of memories gone so young
And now I'm regretting all I've done
But in your heart you know that
I'm with you all along

if you think that this is a bunch of lyrics useless to you, then ur right, its not for you...

This song is dedicated to you. I want to mean everything thats in the song. its for you, it seems to me its able to make u understand, thank you for being you. There are times when i don't dare to talk to you, why? Because you don't even have to say a thing, and you can make me really smile, or sigh... i want to smile always, but no one's perfect, everyone has their own life and feelings, time can't stop for the happy moments.

Thank you all for wishing me, its the first time in my life that my friends wished me thru sms, touched, and you were the first one =)

indebted.

stanz,
wherever you go, i will be waiting, whenever you call, i will be there...~*

1985

2006-01-07T15:56:00.000+08:00

WooOhhooOHoohOo~

Okay no more crying and fainting for awhile now, time to rawk!! going to look for my new bed, and my bro's and my sisters' double decker lol, later on.. =D

Noe what would be cool? Blasting music by Blink 182, Bowling for soup, Bon Jovi, Simple Plan, Nickelback or 3 Doors down on the road, balloons everywhere and cake fight!!

xD the impossible.

One strange phenomenon. You want to know something so badly, and yet you don't want to find out either, not just because you dont have the miserable guts to, but because you know whats coming, and you know you would most likely regret knowing. It doesnt even need to be something necessarily important, it can be as stupid as... "what are you really thinking about"

=) but its just quite impossible cuz... things almost never go the way you want them to, but when they do, i take them for granted, blinded by satisfaction... people always want more, i'm still trying to hold back...

Just wondering, what could really refresh my geniune happiness, its not gonna be a msg, its not gonna be a voice... and of course it would be something that will never happen =)

Happy Weekend ya'll =D i'm still missing all of you

Stan,
she hates time, make it stop..~*

Let Me Go

2006-01-04T14:56:00.000+08:00

There are certain things that were important in the past, but they just drifted away as we were distracted with other things... but now, as clear as ever, they have been recalled and are resounding in my mind... such reluctant feelings, they can never be forgotten and are always renewed when inferior events keep reminding you, forcing you to compare them with the ever joyful past... its not that easy to adapt now that everything restarted this abruptly... its back to a square one that will never, ever have the same happy but painfully reluctant ending...

I miss you guys... but it seems we can never be like the past again, we can continue hanging out... but we can never be learning in the same class like before... i appreciate you guys more than ever now that i've realised how much things have changed, how much i needed you people to help me in my life, the humour, the attitudes, the spirit, the individuals, the together-ness, the jokes, the lessons, the love...

Other things are stuck on my mind, i cant blame anyone except myself, i just keep letting them dominate my mind, but it seems i can't help myself either... keep thinking thinking thinking... help... sigh...

I know i may not be helping by saying these things, sorry. but i just wanna let you guys know, just like i want to know so much... how you people are doing... i miss you people so, so much... but its ironic cuz we are in the same school... i know you people share the same feelings somehow...

miss you guys, love ya'll... things are different now, we're just in the beginning of adaptation, so no matter what, remember that we will be there for each other.

stan,
in my head theres only you now...~*

This Is My Time

2005-12-31T10:33:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE!!!!

Gahahahaa, its gonna be the new year in hours! 2006 is gon come with many new stuffs!! many new things, whether unpredictable or obviously seeing them coming, its gon be new experiences!! We are gon learn more things and continue changing our perspective about everything. The dynamics of our teen minds are violent!!!

And since i'm trying to it, do whats best for urself if you have realised them during the holidays, i know i did, i know that i made the decisions so my new year won't destroy me. Don't dwell on wat scary things are gon happen, cuz when it comes, we shud be ready enough to wack them!! And anticipate all the new experiences that are gon come.

If you see something you can do, take the chance and prove urself!! At bad times, persevere, know that ur friends will be with you, and when it all ends, thats when you see the bonding and look back, everything was worth it.

You may not believe at any point, where everything may seem disgustingly stressful or monotonous, just live thru it, fun times will come, if you want them to and make them come.

And remember God, he planned everything way before, the sad times you have, he planned them to test you, to make you realise things, to mature you. The HAPPY HAPPY times and friends you love sooo much, your dear family, everything he planned for you.

Look at how we've grown lol.

P.S- YA I KNOW THE HAIR OKAY??!! IM NOT BLIND xP

Lawrence, Sharon, Me- the science centre theatre 2002 (ya, the hair...)

Sharon and Me- Pink room 2002 (i know... the hair..)

Sharon, Me, Jie, Mom, Kor- Living room (bwaha too bad i cut my hair)

Mom, Me, Kor, Lawrence, Jie, Sharon- fountain of wealth? 2003 ( YES OKOK THE HAIR)

The Classic, Jie, Ron, Dad, Kor, Mom, Me- 2003, 18 years wedding anniversary

(ENUF ABOUT THE HAIR ALREADY WTH)

Ron, Lawrence, Me- Orchard, the day of Jie's Rhapsody Semi-finals 2005

Lawrence, Me- Orchard, Christmas Day 2005

Lawrence, Me- Dining table, he's red i'm tipsy xD, my dad's explanation? ITS CHRISTMAS!!

2005

Me, Lawrence- Science Centre 2005

Me, Kor, Lawrence- Shocked! In the master bedroom xD 2005

Special thanks to lawrence who had to tolerate my "stupid la you" and wacking. Thank You for taking the pictures all these years buddy =)

Wish All of you all the best for the new year to come =) HAPPY NEW YEAR =D

Stan, this is my time to shine, this is my place to find...~*

Have A Nice Day

2005-12-28T13:16:00.000+08:00

Its gonna be the new year in a few days, struggling to do finish homework... hah and thanks to Isabel the pervertic lesbian with an annoying mouseless laptop that has super nice songs. I realised i love more songs and my ipod even more!! xD like this one and Almost by Bowling For Soup =DDD.

Narnia is nice, i wanna watch it again. I love the new design of the school top! Shuang sia... Its fold in for the next 2 years!!! xDDD. Ron and i tried our new uniform and started rocking to Have A Nice Day in front of my mirror lol!!! FAKE ROCK STARS KILL THEM!!! xDDD

Heres a few things i came across that seem to make sense.

"What is originality if you can't crank it out?"

"I don't know what you're thinking."

"I almost had you, but i guess that doesnt cut it."

"How to decide when and where things are right, wrong or neutral?"

"Destined to spend the time missing you."

"Boys will laugh at girls when they're not funny."

"If theres one thing i'd hang on to, thats gets me thru the night..."

"If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone."

Stan,
when the world gets in my face, i'd say, have a nice day!~*

One Way Or Another

2005-12-24T10:41:00.000+08:00

HEY EVERYONE!!!!!!!! =DDDDDDDD I have been dying to post this song by Jesse Mccartney for ages!!!! But i knew i had to wait for Christmas, the special day to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. I didnt noe i would have the strength to blog today, UNTIL!!! xDDDD yesterday! when everything changed, turned around, and made me HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY!!!

I'm telling you, i can be the happiest guy alive! Its the Christmas season! Its right for you to be happy, to run around, to jump around and be hyper!! I am so having the Christmas spirit now, i am gonna enjoy every moment of the Christmas. =D

Just wanna say Thank You, u made my day, u will make my week, and the week after.

"Don't you know that one way or another, i'll be coming home for Christmas day, doesn't matter any kind of weather, you know i will always find a way..."

Merry Christmas Eve Ya'll, i'll be back to tag a Merry Christmas yea!!!
Love Ya'll, HUGS =D

Stan,
and we'll be, celebrating all the good things we share, everybody knows who will be there, i'm gonna be there too, doesn't matter one way or another, i'm gonna get back home to you...~*

=DDDDD

Breathe

2005-12-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

I came home discovering 2 more pillows on my bed! xD more stuff to sleep with lol... yea babe. =D that makes 4 pillows and a bolster. i think need another bolster lol... been sleeping with 2 bolsters for months until yesterday, so weird >.>

waha i love my bed. too bad onli can sleep on it for about 1 more month, then i have to revert back to a single bed in the new house. meanwhile, SHUANG xD. Hmm 2 new standing fans (mom kiasu)... so its settled, i dont have to die with my barely working aircon, i have a fan with no paranoia of kopers =P.

and the house is still super clean! squeaky floors, undusty everywhere =D, still as fresh but dun think it will last, it never did for more than a week lol...

hmm nice cooling whether... its scary how flashy time suddenly went... voooom and christmas eve in a few hours. i dun want this feeling, so bored type of feeling... i wanna enjoy the 2 days dat onli comes once in a year. but if u think of it, many things comes once a year. and more ironically, other things onli come once in a lifetime. so.... haiya oso dunno how to feel lar...

Is it gonna be something expected again...? i dun wanna put on this expression im having now... so mono, onli spoil everybody's day. attitude summore... but how, feel so empty, so unappreciative. complicatedly tiring...

I dun wanna portray fake expressions, not only tiring, not righteous either. i wanna really enjoy myself. but guess wad, its not just anybody who can provide that miraculous cure to set me free... but it shudnt be forced either, cuz everyone has their own life, perspective and ways... sumhow everything is so vague... enlighten me please, not good carrying on like that... why don't just something happen.... so mono, mono eredy then start thinking, start thinking then start worrying... start worrying then start being paranoid... start being paranoid then start feeling helpless... then got that disgusting anxiety to get out of the rut i got into... crazy.

help me... i dun wanna be a pain in the neck, thats why i dun wanna be the one who has to start things... i want it to be mutual, that both has a share and a part... it just seems weird at the end of the day, then start thinking then start feeling crazy... then regret again... then say sorry oso cannot... want to be as sincere as possible, but it all seems lousy in the end... is this it? i dun believe. there has to be something more... please...

I'll try and use my remaining energy to blog about christmas stuffs, thx for reading and tolerating with my friggin lousy emotions.
- Have a Merry Christmas, God bless everyone.

Love ya'll

Stan,
i've been waiting for a chance to let you in....~*

Stay

2005-12-22T22:40:00.000+08:00

Blog dun blog blog dun blog blog dun blog... i hate u blog... u dont help me, u make me regret wad i blog about, u make me think so much in the end its not solved. u make me wanna stop using u. ur lousy cos u cant get everything outta me, cus u let the wrong people noe and make the people whose dying to noe confused. u piece a crap.

Hmm, wad wad wad.... tired now... clean house clean until shuang... my room is dustless now... pillow fight would be perfect with the new bedsheets mom bought. and my new bolster... or my 'hug'. the one been using since i was k2 is internally split. rearranged my room again, easier to use the comp now bit more spacious with the black cupboard thrown away. the bigger new fan to myself... cooling.

tml going to school again. councillor. work.

Most of the time i dare to type stuffs here because when i put myself in the person reading the post's shoes, i feel so happy... but in the end it seems one-sided. it always has to start with me dont it? I'm not tired, i'm just thinking, i dont want it to be this way, if it has to be when i continue with wad im doing, then i wont. its hard yea pulling back altho im dying to do it, but thats gonna be the way it is. unless something happens. enough anticipating moments that will be destroyed in the end when u havent even touched it. continue with how the past was, nuthing's changed except memories, which happens only once and will never be the same again despite the attempts to relive them.

i realised. or maybe i didnt realise, i just assumed i did, but i will never know... grow up.
i wonder if anyone realises the link between my first blog template and when i edited the title. i wonder if anyone noes that the song is not agar agar put one, as in linked to how im feeling.

ill regret posting this i bet. ill try to give a nice christmas post next.

stan,
now i know that i did something wrong cos i missed you...~*

How Did I Fall In Love With You

2005-12-20T00:13:00.000+08:00

=D hmm some stuffs are gradually returning back to "normal" like wat we have been experiencing the past months... but oh well, things have to return to normal for some, but for me i want it to and it shud stay the way it is now or get better unless i screw up again lol...

But maybe its the people, like if they have to study they will study or do their hw or read their stuffs, but of course there will be different people, people who wont talk about it lol or *cough*brag*cough*, for me preference would be the people who talk about more fun stuffs *grinz* you shud noe, its coming... xD =x okay stop there.

I hope we will get thru this after the seperation, good or bad, will come, will face... we will meet again, we will try our best to keep the feelings and express them in the healthiest manner we could. Will there be more chances and opportunities to have fun and leave troubles behind for awhile again? Next holidays boy... but i dont mean that, i mean thhhhaaatttt i wanna keep the happiness, i wanna always experience the anxiety that i have now, i want that spice to linger in my life and keep me going thru the year to come, i am confident that it will stay this way, just like the 2 years, i always felt the same way, whether mildly or such desperation to recieve a response, i felt the same for this all this while... let it be... =)

stan,
what did i say, what did you do, how did i fall in love with you...~*

You And I Both

2005-12-18T08:37:00.000+08:00

A production by Stanz Magnefico.

WARNING!

This preview is not accurate because of some reasons.

"I.HAVE.NOTHING.BETTER.TO.DO"Pictures....

Starring:

Unknown as Unknown 1

Unknown as Unknown 2

Unknown as Background Voices

..............................

*Holds phone up at face*

*Smiles*

Bg voice: *mutters* No he havent talk to me...

..............................

Unknown 1: *Laughs* aaahh my! *Laughs* Very dark!!

*Unknown 2 pull Unknown 1's hand*

Bg Voice: Aye! We delete your piano...

Unknown 1: Huh? Orhkay... NoOh wait, wait wait, take this...*holds earphone up*...... Noo dont take!

Unknown 2: I'm not taking...

Unknown 1: No you will look re- i will look retarded, go-way!... Noo...... I cannot see your face... *whines*

Unknown 2: Cos your- your hand is blocking my face.

Unknown 1: No your hand is- no its too dark... Can you move to the light?

*Unknown 2 moves over*

Unknown 2: What, I- cos the light...

Unknown 1: Oh ya, iii- its even darker... how?

*Unknown 2 moves some more*

Unknown 2: Cos your supposed to take it like thiiis...

*Bg Voice mutters*

Unknown 2: Aye can you put down the phone for awhile?

Unknown 1: Wait. Ca- can you don't cover your face?

Unknown 2: Can you put down the phone for awhile?

*Unknown 1 lowers phone*

Unknown 2: Summore

*Unknown 1 holds phone besides Unknown 2's phone, stops moving, head tilted, smiles*

Unknown 1: *laughs* ookaay *laughs*........taken eredy nort?

Unknown 2: Uh hahaha~!

Unknown 1: AYYYEEEE!!!

The End

Note: This is abstract literature, attempt to understand it at your own risk.

Dedicated To Unknown 1

Stan,

another day to sing about the magic that was, You and Me...~*

Come What May

2005-12-16T10:52:00.000+08:00

My heart was pounding altho nobody was around... I smiled to myself as i browsed thru the pictures, wishing somehow... i was on top of the world, i was confident... i always was, until the moments came again... they always did, until now... and i couldnt deal with them, i never could...

The moment came again... and expectedly, my heart pulled back, while my head constantly said "nononononononononono, just act it thru, dont look or you'll be disappointed again, since it wont be returned anyway..." so i just faked my attitude all the way until the moment went and my chances faded... i asked myself for the hundredth time "wat do i want from this?" i was in a dilenma of being natural or just keeping to myself... but thru everything, i was no where at all, lost...

As they left, i couldnt bear to go through those moments again... i'd go crazy, so i convinced myself to buy the long pants today, and stayed back... there i blew it, but so wad, ive been doing it all the time... sigh... this is so tiring... But i wont let go, i'll wait... until courage decides to be on my team... I just wanna drown in ur eyes without being obliged to say anything...

Stan,
listen to my heart, can you hear, it sings... telling me to give you everything...~*

You Make Me Wanna

2005-12-13T22:27:00.000+08:00

This post is for the people who had made the KL trip the one of the best days of the year, and my life. thx for visiting, chatting with me, playing with me (pillow fights) in particular, singing together and challenging ourselves to improve and be contented. And the most basic and important one, being with me, cuz altho i dun show that i really appreciate, inside im almost bursting out to say, thanks for ur presence... i love you all

Yes we are contented, we shud be. We set out to participate in this international competetion to challenge ourselves to improve and strive for the Gold we did not get the last time round. We were back all set and ready for something we had to clinch no matter wad. But some wanted more than just that Gold after the results. They constantly reminded themselves about the grade Gold 'C' which shudnt be the way. We got a gold, judged with olympic standards, in fact we improved in marks, and significantly, in general grade which would no doubt be looked upon quite differently compared to holding a silver for this competition we once did. Yes it may be just satisfactory, but there seriously shud not be any reason to feel bad or upset let alone depressed. But at least now we know, now we have experienced it, we are contented. rock on.

It was my first time being in a hotel like this, i was definitely pleased that the hotel was in a good enuf state to stay in. Xept that i had to wake up shivering early in the morning everytime because we took advantage of the fact that the lowest temperature for the aircon is 15 degrees.
Most would say they were happy they got out of jail when we had that few hours to get out of the hotel to malls. Id stay back in the hotel rather! It was verrrry exciting man, running around to avoid being caught bending the rules =x well we're human and no we did not do anything illegal. So our conscience would be jolly well be cool.

Thanks Derrick and Guowei for being my room mates, other than derrick being violently horney and raping me almost 70% of the time im with him and all his F*** and B**** words i had to tolerate, yea i think it was cool. Guowei if u can just stop "enjoying" the show while derrick is abusing me, i think it'll be better =)

Thank you Ruth! for the pillow fights!! ahhh those were the most fun times i had!!! wacking you and 'letting' you wack me cuz u couldnt seem to be accurate or strong enuf xD wish we had more time to play again... sigh, but no worries those will be fond memories. And sorry if i had dragged you into any misunderstanding u had with ur group, and dont ask me why. thanks for being there =)

Thanks Jia Hui for your lemon and ultra but unfortunately not long lasting menthol lip balm. My lips were so dry id cry T_T, and if u can just tell me the price of it so i can pay you back?... thx for chatting with me too.

Thanks ger for ur bubblegum and taking a couple of videos of me blowing them lol, if you dont like me to say or imply that ur fat anymore, just tell me nicely kay, cuz u laugh at them and laughing is good.

Thanx althea for ur moisturiser altho it din really help =x BUT THX dun get mad!! >.>

Thx to the group of ron al sam zq shawn sef for their ehem visiting facility =x

Thx to all the seniors specially man, shan, ced, PEILING UR HONEY WATER!!!! MUACKZ!!! slipper queen, cheryl, elwina xD, Yuhan i like it when you smile happily, u and ruth dun seem to have perfectly 'normal' expressions i think, cuz u either look very happy or upset, so smile more =D

The most special thank you for Mr Loh, if ur reading this, I sincerely thank you... To me, im still trying to find a conductor who understands us more than you, conveys messages clearer than you do, cares alot more about us, the choir than you do, being more a family than any other teacher to us students. Thank You for ur words. Thank You for being family =) I love you would be cheesy so with no doubt, the choir would like to express, "We Love You"

I feel so much more love for this choir, its very weird that im not able to express it during practices and when we are actually together, maybe its really because u onli start appreciating these things when you reminisc the little details which leaves you with so many complicated feelings.

Denial altho the revelations are spreading, i cant delude myself, but neither can i accept people twisting the facts... these are my feelings, you can know them, but you shudnt assume anything more let alone telling me ur assumptions.

I'm so grateful to you... If onli u didnt look away when i had to courage to look at you in the eyes...

Stan,
I wanna noe if you feel the same, and could you tell me do you feel my pain, don't leave me in doubt......~*

Just The Girl

2005-12-07T21:48:00.000+08:00

Boom i rawk wahaha!!! i just annoyed sharon just now grinz* Everything's been going wrong for quite a long time for me. I'd better adjust my perspective again. Ahh.... i need some enlightening..>.> Time to bend my bitter "smile" back and enjoy the ride.

Hmm noe something, as we grow older, toys magically become pathetically lame, especially at my age, i think more about spending time with frens unless u buy me a ps3 or xbox 360 then that would change the situation... but yea! guess im gown up haha.

KL is coming, five excitable days especially being able to stay in the same room with my dear derrick and guowei yay! and speaking of derrick, one fine day he's gonna get it from me. nowadays every single time i step into the choir room he calls out to me "aye b*tch!"............. frick him la... i wonder how its gonna be like hmm... how am i supposed to live without my music...

Stan,
She laughs about my dreams, but I dream about her laughter...~*

Collide

2005-12-06T23:43:00.000+08:00

Its amazing how much this song reminds me of... First of all it reminds me of my dear big sister and her dearest boyfriend Melvyk kor, cuz this song was introduced by him to her then to me =) melts my heart everytime.... secondly it reminds me of 2/4's first official outing in westcoast...how can i ever forget that day...the time when we stayed back to stroll, pictures...temporary for me cuz of my pathetic spaceless handphone... the pyramid...sigh before everything dissolved again expectedly...

distant...

changing...

different...

regretful...

matured...

understood...

speechless...

fear...

frustration...

anger...

relation...

aggravation...

forgiveness...

desperation...

hope...

-dashed...

Stan,
Out of the doubt that fills your mind... you finally find, you and i, collide...~*

(i wish)

Believe Me

2005-11-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

hmm... lemme say something here, dont think that just cuz u can sing lower notes than us it means u can step all over us... don u even try and tell me to control my temper... u ppl are always bringing us down with those words and implications, and we just close one eye and let u guys joke... but all that bias attitude, actions and decisions, i'm not gonna take that lying down so DONT you even try to complain about me losing my temper and look at urself...

frickin biased.

Stan,
Proved to me unintentionally, that you would self destruct eventually...

How You Remind Me

2005-11-30T03:26:00.000+08:00

I shall not post about my gaming i won't... theres gonna be choir in like 11hrs time, enuf sleep i guess... i'm looking forward to thursday's choir workshop haha with the O.C. choir xD i was addicted to 'Dorven Dalai' until i forgot the notes >.> we din even get any sectionals on that song and the other one lol but i always seem to be able to refresh my memory and memorise them all over again yea! =D

and after thursday's choir is sleepover!! eevin's house again, together with ron, jonathan, isabel, timothy, cyrus and maybe christine? lol wahah then we'll be in the living room with the comfy sofa and aircon plus food and the bed mattress over the floor and blankies, watching movies to sleep, together! just like every time haha or we'll just chat and chat yay! hmm its gonna be 2 fun nights i tell ya xD if not we'll be wrestling, me and jon vs tim and cyrus ALL the time cuz i can never even try or think of vsing jon lol it'll be one way ticket to my grave bleh =.=

hmm i realised i never blogged about the stuff we do together eh? especially these 2 years which were the most eventful, like i always say the adults planned gathering as an excuse to gamble lol... but so wad? i like to meet you guys, cept that i feel left out not goin windsurfing lol....

hmm shud i go for vjc concert? its 10 bucks, guess i can fork out that amt no? just to... like support the seniors... but we shud go in a group, thats the fun of it wad?

i wonder when ima start my hw, who wants to do together with me? only ppl who haven started at all are allowed kay....kidding....even if u haf 99% done, all the better! remember to bring them thats all xD

i'm just thinking... that i would be so happy, just to see... without having to say anything and feeling awkward about it... i wish it was understood...

Stan,
It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story...~*

All You Wanted

2005-11-23T22:49:00.000+08:00

Just like heaven......one of the best, most enchanting and beautiful comedy-love story i have ever...watched....everything was perfect. Magical, hilarious, touching, loving....landscape and unexpecting...loved everything in it...

Imagine if it happened to you, would you believe? First and foremost, i'd freak out...imagine a pretty lady barging in, thru walls, into ur apartment commanding you to leave...its sad to see that people didnt believe him, except that cool dude, "you asked the wrong questions...", "righteous...", it wouldnt be complete without him, without everyone of them......but think again, if u were the people who met him and saw him communicating with thin air...most likely you'd be typical enough to think he's mental...imagine yourself being the girl who wakes up from the coma after being a mere spirit who left her own body, forgetting everything...forgetting him...you go up the roof of your apartment and see a beautiful garden trasformed from nothing but having a breath-taking view, the reason why u rented it...u meet him again, the guy who did it, the guy who loved you as a spirit, who was destined to meet you...everything comes back to you again...magical...=)

I'd look into your eyes, if only wordless understanding was truly mutual...i wouldnt be able to say anything... i wish i felt i didnt have to...

Stan,
i can take you, away from here...~*

Photograph

2005-11-22T20:06:00.000+08:00

Refreshing everything from now. I'm not going to drag myself into another rut now that i have gotten out of one. While deleting the posts to "spring clean" my 1 year plus blog, i realised how blind and caught up i was with my emotions. It's time to change, time to wake up from all of the illusions i have been seeing. Blinded by all those thoughts and caught up in unnecessary things. Many immature actions and words i didnt realise myself, i need not care about all those things now that i see clearly. All these friendship stuff, they will pass as i grow up, its no use getting stuck in those problems that are solvable only when everyone realise...

Stan,
Time to say it, goodbye...~*